"... THAT I AM WEAK, YET NOT UNBLEST
Since in me, round me, everywhere
Eternal Strength and wisdom are..."

The above three lines came from a poem a friend recently shared with me... For the past two weeks I have not been able to shake the line "that I am weak, yet not unblest" from my mind. More often than not I feel too weak to share the gospel. I feel insufficient, unable, and unworthy. I am afraid that I will misrepresent the name of Jesus and that fear will paralyze me from sharing who Jesus is with people. I don't know about you, but I hate feeling weak. Shoot, I hate being vulnerable and showing how I feel at all. I have struggled with and chewed on this line for almost two weeks now. I was reading through 2 Corinthians tonight and came across 2 Cor. 12:9 where Jesus says...

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Man. Though I am weak, and I will be the first one to now admit that I am, because I really, really am... God uses my weakness for his perfection. How cool is that?! And ya know, it's funny, I spent so much time dwelling on the fact that I am weak, yet not unblest, that I neglected to fully read and understand the two following lines... "Since in me, round me, everywhere, Eternal strength and wisdom are."

So my friends, though we are weak, we are not unblest and I am so, so thankful for that. Just something to chew on.

Boise

So for those of you that know or are quickly figuring out... I now live in Boise... weird, right? I know. I got a job at a marketing/advertising agency here in town. It has been fantastic! Great job, great people, and, as I am discovering daily, a really cool city. About a month and a half ago or so, I sent out my graduation announcements letting you all know that I would be keeping this here blog up to date on my happenings in Boise and I have totally failed at doing that. My deepest apologies, I'm going to really, really try better. So because I've failed at keeping things up to date, here's a bit of a run down of the big events of the summer via photos. I graduated from the Univ. of Utah on May 9, 2009, with a degree in Mass Communication. Yay! Go me!

I said goodbye to the beautiful city of Salt Lake and some of the most awesome friends a person could ever have.I went on an incredible road trip spending time in: Grand Teton NP, Yellowstone, Glacier NP (where the above picture was taken), Coeur d'alene, Seattle, the Oregon Coast and Portland... Nothing short of breathtaking the entire time!I moved to Boise... I just realized that I really have like zero pictures of anything other than nature from Boise right now... This picture at least has me in it. I have done a lot of hiking since I moved here and this cross sits on top of a huge hill overlooking Boise. It's lite up at night and it's awesome!
I got to take an incredible group of middle school kids from Salt Lake, to Oakbridge, a Young Life camp in San Diego, CA. It was an amazing week. This was the mud pit, and it was fantastic.I gained a sister! My older brother, Ryan, got married to a wonderful girl named Tanya! She is such a delight to have in the family. Way to go Ry! And yes, that strapping young man on the far right of the picture is my little (big) brother Ty. He's grown up, a lot, I know.And that about does it. I had to add the above picture because those are the two people who have really made this entire summer possible... And this picture makes me laugh hysterically just about every time I look at it, I felt the urge to make sure I post it to as many social networking sites as I am a part of. Yes, my friends, those are my ridiculous, loving, awesome, amazing, inspiring, hysterical, and all around just plain rad, parents.

So, that kinda brings you up to speed on whats going on in my life! I'm going to do my best to be a better blogger. Hope this finds you all well. As summer starts to wind down and ski season (THANK GOD)... err I mean fall, is rapidly approaching I wish you all the best in whatever endeavors you begin to take on. Peace out cub scout.

Just a quick update...

At least for right now, it looks like Opi is doing better! Praise GOD! We'll see what happens from here on out, but thank you all so much for your prayers and thoughts and such. Last week we had some close and scary calls though. Keep the prayers coming!

My attempts at a tribute to a man I love a whole lot...

For those of you that may or may not know, my grandpa, Opi, has been in and out of the hospital. My mom called me this afternoon to tell me he was back in the hospital and was being transferred by ambulance from the hospital in Newberg to OHSU... Apparently its really not good this time. When she called I was driving to a park to go read for a while... I ended up just writing. It sucks to not be there with my family but writing always helps me... and wanted to share what I wrote in my journal with all of you:


"Mom just called. Opi is currently en route from the Newberg hospital to OHSU. I have a sinking pit in my stomach thinking that this is really it. And ya know, I can't help but run through in my head thoughts of how I could have loved better, laughed harder or spent more time with him. I know he's still alive and he could live for months more, but it just seems like this is it, and I need to prepare myself for that... but for some reason, I don't think anyone is ever prepared for things like this.

My Opi is an incredible man. He loves his wife, his family and his God with everything that is inside of him. And it's so hard for me to think that one of the strongest men I know is sitting in a hospital room super, super weak. And I can't kick the desire to be there, right by his side with everyone else in my family. God why have you stripped me of everything I know and everyone close and put me here in Boise?

When I think about my Opi, I think about a man who has given unconditionally and selflessly to his family. He is a man who does not always verbalize his thoughts but displays his love and his pride for you by the look on his face. Since his hearing has gotten increasingly worse, it is hard for him to be around the big group at family parties. So he always finds a comfy chair and just watches oer all of us. Some of my favorite moments come when I would go and just sit next to him. He loves just being with you. He always asks me about my life and he is so proud of what I have accomplished and continue to accomplish.

Man, I miss my family."

Ya know, we never know when or how we will lose the people we love. And we are never, ever prepared for it either. And I don't know how many times I'm going to need to learn this lesson until I get it. But it would be my hope that I can learn to take full advantage of every moment I have to love on people.

So, I've been slacking...

... it's been a while. My apologies to those of you that read this... if there is anyone. I am sitting here in Diva's Coffee Shop. Love this place. It feels like such an Oregon-esque day today. All overcast, it was raining a bit earlier. I love it so much.

Yesterday, I was sitting on our couch, and I realized that I graduate in just one month. It hit me. Where in the world have these four years gone?! Seriously. I bought my cap and gown, my parents have purchased plane tickets for graduation, game, set, match, I'm gonna be done! It's such a weird feeling. The impending real world, or idea of the real world is crazy.

I really don't have anything super profound to share with you right now, more just a feeling that I needed to update this blog. I've been awful at keeping it up to date. I'll try better. I've run out of words though... and I need a shower.

Conditional Love

I have been reading the book Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. Good stinkin' book. It goes through the deepest desires of our soul. Right now I'm reading the part about our souls desire... no, need, for love. God created us to be human beings that need love to survive.

The problem is though, the world, and I would argue even religion have taken love and created a subtle premise that love is conditional. And we've come to this point where we are more comfortable with conditional love than we are unconditional love. If it is conditional, we can control our actions and our thoughts and we can control the things about us that people will love. We have no sense, no understanding of an unconditional love. How can we accept the greatest love of all when we and others can't love every part of us?

A passage of this book says...

"Its just too hard to believe that if you come near to God, you will find yourself not drowning in condemnation, but swimming in compassion. Jesus called to all who were weary and who found their souls exhausted to come to him and find rest. He is telling us that God will be for us our place called home. We run form God because we long to be loved and we have convinced ourselves that the One who is most loving could not and would not embrace u. We run from the one our souls crave. It is insanity to run from God and search for love."

We run from the God of the universe that gives an amazing, unconditional love because we know what we have done. We know who we are. And therefore, we think, because other people don't love us, because we can't love ourselves, that God wouldn't either. That is so untrue.

How can we break free from this feeling of being unloved. How can we convince our friends who feel so very, very unloved that they are loved beyond all measure?

Simple Things

The Christmas season is upon. A time for laughter, cheer, love. It is during this season that people often open up the Bible to read the accounts of Jesus' birth. People who wouldn't normally go to church, step inside the walls of church for one special day to celebrate the birth of a man. It's funny how this one man unites believers and unbelievers one day a year.

I grew up in a Christian family. Every Christmas, my family and extended family act out the Christmas story with wise men dressed in towels and a baby doll Jesus. It's a story that I have heard over and over and over again. It's a story that we grow numb to.

Twice today though, I was hit over the head with the stark irony of this Christmas story. I don't know if people fully realize how perfect it is that the Messiah, my King, chose to make His entrance into the world in a manger! You see, he's God... he could have been born in a palace, in a place of pristine condition for that time period... but no, he chose to enter a messy and dirty world in a messy and dirty barn. And not only that, he came from parents that were not well known. It's so perfect.

And if you look at the scandal of the virgin birth... Jesus' coming was supposed to be sin, it is ironic though, that through His coming, sin was conquered.

Following God is not going to bring a life of extreme extravagance, or fame. In fact, following God may very well lead to an unpopular life. But that's a life that is beyond worth it.

God wants to save a lost and broken and messed up generation. People get sooo wrapped up in the idea that Christians have these perfect, comfortable, put together lives. But no! There are days that Christians doubt the existence of God, heck there are days even I myself don't even believe in a God. But that's what's so perfect, in all my doubt, I faith and I cling to the fact that I KNOW he exists and I know He is CONSTANTLY with me.

So this Christmas season, I want to follow my Jesus, who chose to enter this messy world, in a messy manger.